Picking up The Pieces-Betrayal!
Betrayal is undoubtedly one of the most heartbreaking experiences a person can ever have. Why is it so? Often when we love, we pour in our all; we trust and love with all our hearts and we give ourselves completely to the relationship and to the person. Betrayal, therefore, comes as a shock. It is a murderous blow to any relationship. The pain that comes with betrayal completely shatters even the strongest heart. It leaves us hurt and broken, weak and distraught and we often do not know how to deal with the pain. Often, we find ourselves lacking the strength to move on. But what do you do when you find yourself in such a situation, when in reciprocation to your love you are faced with betrayal? Different people have different ways of handling betrayal and heartbreak. Here are a few guidelines on how to deal with this difficult time.
- Do not blame yourself
When most people face betrayal, the first question that comes into their minds is why. Why did the person hurt you so much, why did he or she allow others to hurt you? Why did he or she break your heart? The question that follows often is, what did I do to deserve this? A person who is betrayed finds it easier to find fault with their actions. You may fault yourself for trusting too easily, for loving the person and for believing in him or her. It is important, however, to remember at this crucial time that whatever happened was not your fault. It is not your fault that the person acted in the way that he or she did. You are the victim in all this, not the villain.
- Do not justify the actions of the person
Changing the story often appears appealing. We think that if we make the person’s actions justifiable, we lessen the pain. This is hardly ever the case. In fact, when we try to justify the other party’s actions, we make the situation worse. First of all, we lengthen our healing process and secondly we put ourselves at risk of feeling the pain all over again because eventually we will have to accept exactly what happened. A person who faces betrayal finds himself or herself in a particularly tricky situation. As human beings, we are naturally inclined to attempt to protect ourselves from anything that causes us pain. Attempting to justify the conduct of the other person only achieves this purpose in the short run but exposes us to more pain in the long run.
- Allow yourself to grieve
It is said that the feeling associated with betrayal is the similar to that of a heart attack. A person who has been betrayed and heartbroken goes through the same grieving stages as one who has been bereaved; these are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It is imperative therefore that you let yourself grieve. Go through the whole process patiently. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions associated with each stage of grieving. Eventually the pain subsides; eventually, you heal.
- Learn from the pain but do not let it break you
Broken hearts never heal, it is said. It is important to keep this in mind. Betrayal can completely change a person. It can make you less trusting, some people even swear off love. Doing this only shows that you are allowing the other person’s actions to control you. You need to free yourself from the pain only then can you truly heal.
- Forgive and move on
Strong are the people who forgive those who are not sorry. Forgiveness is not only beneficial to the villain but also to the victim. True forgiveness in cases of betrayal mean that you can learn to love again, you can trust again and most importantly, that you can be happy. Forgiving a person who betrays you may not be easy especially if the person is not sorry for his or her actions. Remember, however, that forgiving the person who betrays you frees you from the pain.
As you can see it takes a lot to heal after betrayal. Find out more about betrayal and its aftermath in our movie, ‘Tempting Fate’.